He returned into the classroom, and his silhouette appeared in my peripheral vision.  His flipped his hair to the side over his forehead slightly while walking to his desk making every girl’s head turn as he went to the first chair of the furthest row from the door.

He smiles at me while in the process of sitting down.  His smile full of sincerity warmed up my heart just as if it were a real embrace, not just an imagined one on my part.  His lips part and he mouths the words “hey”  which makes my heart melt even more so than before.  This boy was my best friend.  I knew things about him that no one else did, even though sometimes I didn’t necessarily want to.  He had too many problems with girls who didn’t deserve him, but if he ever let me have the chance to be his, I would make his time worthwhile.  I would be one of those girls who treated him right and love him with all my heart.

I solemnly stared at the back of his full head of blondish-brown hair instead of watching the psychology video about how babies need to feel love by being comforted (i.e. hugged, talked to, etc.), which was exactly the way I felt at the moment.  It’s not like we didn’t hug, but I wanted to our soft lips to meet.  If I had the guts, I would walk to him, passing all of my fellow classmates, to the front of the class and look into his eyes.  I would smile, then go in for either the best or the worst experience of my life.  What I mean is he’d either ask me out afterwards, or be so creeped out that he would never utter another word to me.

But, being the coward that I honestly still am, I stayed in my seat only left to daydream of what I wanted to do.  I could plan and have myself worked up to do something, but I would never follow through with it.

He was just simply out of my league, and things would always stay that way.

After about six years of still staying in touch, he pops the question to his longtime girlfriend (of four years).  I receive the invitation in the mail for the perfect extravagant wedding.  The same wedding I had wanted.  Contained is a picture of the blushing soon to be bride and the ravishing grinning groom.

If you want something in life, you have to work at it and don’t give up.  Giving up on what could be true love, or at least just a chance at love, is just being a coward.  That’s what I am.  I’m a coward and lonely.


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